The Love That Shall
Can love be commanded? The book's argument turns on the word shall: love that is a duty, it claims, is the only love protected against turning into jealousy, hate or despair.
The loves people choose, for a beloved or a friend, are preferences, and a preference, however tender, is partly self-love. It depends on how the other person makes us feel, so it can change: into jealousy, into hate, into despair when the beloved is lost. Love that is a duty depends on the command instead, and cannot change in that way. The command does not confine love but secures it. Kierkegaard published the book under his own name in September 1847, as deliberations meant to unsettle a reader rather than console one.
- love
- duty
- self-love
- romantic love
- friendship
- neighbor love
- christian love
- christian ethics
- eternity
- faith
- self-deception
- trust
- hope
- perseverance
Enter a dialogue
- The beloved and the friend are called 'the other self'. Why does that name show that passionate love and friendship are still a kind of self-love?
- Someone torments themselves, thinking it serves God. Why does the command to love the neighbour 'as yourself' condemn that?
- Habit, of all love's enemies, is the most insidious, since anyone who sees it is already saved. How can a love fight what it cannot see?
- What separates loving someone as a duty from putting up with them out of obligation, when both keep a person at the other's side?
- Put 'the neighbour' between two lovers or two friends and jealousy shows at once. Why would loving everyone expose the self-love hidden in love?